Is there conflict being a caregiver and a wife (mother, sister, brother, etc.)?

first_imgBlog post written by Mary Brintnall-Peterson, Ph.D., MBP Consulting, LLC, Professor Emeritus, University of Wisconsin-ExtensionYes, indeed I have experienced conflict between being a wife and a caregiver! First off, I had to accept the fact that I am not only a wife but also a caregiver. Both of these roles make up who I am and my identity. My role as a wife and my role as a caregiver have rules dictating how I behave. The caregiver role is different than the wife role and sometimes my rules for each are in conflict. Here’s an example—my husband was put on a specific diet which he doesn’t follow.  He complains about the new diet because he can’t eat some of his favorite foods. As a caregiver I know he should follow the diet because if he doesn’t he could be ill again, but as his wife I want to give him his favorite foods.So, which role do I pick? Do I function as a caregiver and monitor his eating, making sure his favorite foods aren’t in the house, etc. or do I let him eat what he wants especially since his favorite foods are important to him. I’m sure you have your own examples of when your wife and caregiver role are in conflict with each other. So what causes this conflict between being a wife and a caregiver? The answer is—the rules we have for each role guides our decisions and actions.I have different rules for being a wife and for my caregiver role. When my rules are in conflict I experience stress. When I am stressed, I try to figure out what rules are guiding my thoughts and actions. To understand my rules a nurse (who recognized how stressed out I was) drew a circle, with three circles inside of it, and explained where my rules come from.The outside circle represents rules from society. For example, you wear clothing when you are in public, you drive on the right side of the road, and stealing is against the law. These rules are usually understood and followed by everyone. The next circle is all the communities you are a part of. These include but are not limited to your faith community, fraternal organizations, ethnic communities and your heritage.The military is a community many of you are in or have been in. As you know the military has its own ways, rules or expectations for enlisted individuals, officers, and family members. One military rule I often hear is the wife or significant other takes care of the “home front” when the service member is away.  Another military rule is the military community takes care of its own people, especially in time of crisis.  I’m sure you can identify other “rules” within the military community which can be helpful or not.The next circle is our family. Within every family there are rules such as we don’t talk about money, sex or share what happens in our family with others. In many families women are the nurturers and show emotion while the men are responsible for manly things and don’t show or share their emotions. The last circle is your current situation such as your health, finances, help/assistance, medical condition of your husband, living arrangement, etc. As you can imagine when your situation changes it influences your rules as a wife and caregiver. These four circles provide insights into where your rules come from and why we react the way we do in certain situations. It also explains why everyone reacts to situations differently.Whenever I have a conflict between being a caregiver and a wife I attempt to do the following:Figure out what rules are guiding my thoughts and feelings.Determine if the rules are from my caregiver role or wife role.Decide if the rules are helpful or not.If the rule is not helpful, throw it out or change it.If the rule is helpful, keep it or tweak it. It is not necessarily easy or natural to do this, but I try. By figuring out which rules are creating conflict between being a wife or a caregiver, I gain an understanding of why I experience stress.This MFLN-Military Caregiving concentration blog post was published on September 15, 2015.last_img read more

Marathwada delivers decisive mandate to saffron combine

first_imgShiv Sena’s Pradip Jaiswal won from Aurangabad Central.  | Photo Credit: Yogesh Londhe The drought-affected Marathwada region delivered a decisive mandate in favour of the Shiv Sena and the Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), while also giving the Congress a much-improved tally. The allies together secured 30 seats in the region, compared to the previous tally of 24. However, the Congress also managed to pocket eight seats as opposed to just one in 2014. The party’s showing was largely on the back of a handsome victory for the Deshmukh brothers — Amit securing a win with over 40,415 votes in Latur City and Dhiraj winning the Latur Rural seat by a record 1.21 lakh votes.The Congress also won the Deglur, Nanded South, Bhokar, Jalna, Hadgaon and Pathri constituencies. Meanwhile, the BJP won the Ausa, Tuljapur, Aurangabad East, Umarkhed, Badnapur, Bhokardan, Gangapur, Georai, Hingoli, Jintur, Kaij, Kinwat, Mukhed, Naigaon, Nilanga, Partur and Phulambri. The region, bordering Karnataka and Telangana, witnessed several battles of prestige among prominent political families, including Rural Development Minister and BJP leader Pankaja Munde, who lost to her cousin Dhananjay Munde from Parli constituency with 30,701 votes. The Nationalist Congress Party (NCP)’s Sandeep Kshirsagar defeated his uncle and State Minister for Employment Guarantee Jaydutt Kshirsagar, who was an import into the Sena from the NCP. In Aurangabad, the Sena-BJP combine won all six seats, of which one was with the Congress since 2014. For the first time in the city’s history, Aurangabad will not have an MLA from the Congress. During the seat-sharing talks with the NCP, the Congress was allotted only one of the six Assembly seats, Aurangabad (West). The India Today -Axis poll had claimed that the saffron alliance will secure 29 seats in Marathwada, 29 in Konkan and 22 in western Maharashtra.last_img read more

Jordana Brewster Wants No Kid Hungry In America

first_imgActress Jordana Brewster has made a resolution to make No Kid Hungry a reality.“Since becoming a mom last year, my life has changed more than I could have ever imagined,” she wrote in a blog on the No Kid Hungry website. “On one hand, I have never loved anyone more in my life. On the other hand, I’ve never felt more worry or responsibility. I want more than anything for my son Julian to be happy and healthy, but I worry: what if I can’t make it happen? How do I protect and prepare Julian for the future?“Mothers and fathers ask themselves these questions every day. For some, the answers are easy to find. For others, just making sure their children have something on their plate is a daily challenge. This is unacceptable. No parent should have to worry that their child won’t have the nutrition she or he needs to thrive. No child should have to carry the burden and fear of hunger.“I believe that in a country like the United States, no child should go hungry. That’s why this January I made it my New Year’s resolution to support efforts to end childhood hunger in America.“This year, I’m asking my friends, family and followers to join me in my support of No Kid Hungry. Whether it’s through donations, volunteering, or raising our voices, each one of us has something to give in efforts to get food to the kids who need it most.“So in honor of a new year and new goals, I ask you to challenge yourself to do something to make a difference for children in need.”You can read the full blog post here.last_img read more

Stop lies to gain political mileage TMC to Shah

first_imgKolkata: Derek O’Brien, Trinamool Congress spokesperson and the party’s Rajya Sabha MP, has criticised BJP national president Amit Shah for “circulating lies about Bengal to reap political benefits.”On the other hand, senior TMC leader Chandrima Bhattacharya said a legal notice is likely to be served to Amit Shah for “deliberately circulating lies.” The TMC in all probability will resort to legal step if Shah does not tender apology. On Facebook Live, O’Brien said: “The body language of Amit Shah shows that the BJP is really scared and so it had to take recourse to lies”. Also Read – Speeding Jaguar crashes into Mercedes car in Kolkata, 2 pedestrians killedComing down heavily on Shah, O’Brien said he had given information on Kanyashree project “wrongly to mislead people.” He said Shah had alleged that the state government had copied Kanyashree project from the Centre’s Beti Bachao, Beti Padhao. Incidentally, Derek said the Kanyashree scheme in Bengal was introduced two years before Beti Bachao Beti Padhao and till date, the state government has spent Rs 6,000 crore giving benefits to almost 60 lakh girls. The Centre, under Also Read – Bose & Gandhi: More similar than apart, says Sugata BoseBeti Bachao Beti Padhao scheme has spent Rs 600 crore for the entire country. “BJP president should know what he is saying,” O’Brien remarked. It may be mentioned that Trinamool Congress supremo Mamata Banerjee had asked party leaders to vehemently counter lies and half-truths which the BJP is circulating on social media. She had also instructed party leaders to hold meeting places within 72 hours where the BJP had organised rallies to counter their lies politically which the BJP leaders are circulating deliberately. Accordingly, a huge rally under the leadership of Suvendu Adhikari will take place in East Midnapore on Sunday. Derek further maintained that Shah has wrongly said that “Mission Nirmal Bangla” is a copy of the Centre’s Swachh Bharat mission. He said: “Shah should know that Mission ‘Nirmal Bangla’ was started in 2013 much ahead of Swachh Bharat Abhiyan which started on October 2, 2014. Nadia was the first district in the country to become Open Defecation Free. More than 95 percent of the districts in Bengal have become ODF.” O’Brien also added that the BJP national president has stated that there is no industrial growth in Bengal. The real picture is that Bengal’s growth is 11.4 percent which is more than the national growth at 4.4 percent. “The state ranks first in MSME, ease of doing business and skill development,” he said. Rebutting Shah’s claim that no Durga and Saraswati pujas are allowed in Bengal, Derek said more than 30,000 community Durga pujas are held in Bengal and Saraswati puja is held in more than 10,000 schools. Moreover, a grand carnival is held on Red Road every year to showcase immersion. Demolishing Shah’s claim that cows are being smuggled through the Indo-Bangladesh border, Derek stated that the border fencing is the responsibility of the Home Ministry.last_img read more