Who goes to the Euros?No one, if their team is playing in Ukraine. Compared with the 100,000-odd England fans that decamped to Germany for the World Cup in 2006, only a couple of thousand are attending this tournament. While the English will be doing their bit for international PR by throwing plastic chairs at locals in Donetsk, many thousands of Irish fans will be charming all-comers in Poland.Who will win?Spain, by boring the opposition into a mortal trance by passing the ball sideways 329 times; The Netherlands, by physically assaulting the opposition; Italy, definitely not by bribing the referee; England by ‘lumping it up to The Big Man’; or perhaps Germany, by being a team full of nice young lads who’d make ideal sons-in-law for your mum. Watch out for ‘dark horses’ – any team from Eastern Europe who the pundits haven’t bothered to research, such as Serbia (err, they’re not in it – Ed).Why aren’t there any songs?Ant and Dec have been held in a secure unit in Nevada since 2011. No doubt _Football’s Coming Home _will be re-released and sweep to number one if England scrape a draw with Ukraine.When do I get my boyfriend/wife/partner/mates back?Never: football is for life, not just for June. You can’t beat them, so join them. Put up your wall chart, crack open a lager, and let the games begin. Come on Serbia!ReturnOne wayMulti-cityFromAdd nearby airports ToAdd nearby airportsDepart14/08/2019Return21/08/2019Cabin Class & Travellers1 adult, EconomyDirect flights onlySearch flights Map Skyscanner presents its guide to Euro 2012 for those who aren’t madly in love with the beautiful game.What is Euro 2012 anyway?Stop right there. No self-respecting football fan refers to this summer’s only major sporting event (pole-vaulting? like, who cares?) as Euro 2012. It’s ‘The Euros’, ok? Not to be confused with that currency that seemed like a great idea in 1992 and is still a great idea, at least to us, as it still costs us slightly less to get blotto than it does at home. So what is it? It’s like war, but no-one gets killed: a bit like the A-Team.Why are you telling me this? I’m not interested!You should be. As Bill Shankly once said, ‘some people believe football is a matter of life and death, I am very disappointed with that attitude. I can assure you it is much, much more important than that’. Like blue sky and birdsong, what is life without football, and lager? This really is a big deal for lovers of the beautiful game. Life is on hold for a month, or until one’s team is knocked out, then who cares, frankly? Forget getting the bathroom done. Just make sure the fridge is stocked up with beer.But I really don’t care, I’m a lady!Ladies, according to stereotype, while ‘your man’ is down the pub watching the footie with his mates, you should either: a) take the opportunity to go shopping / watch the entire Jennifer Aniston back catalogue, or b) ogle hot Italian players with bronzed pins and swoon when Cristiano Ronaldo removes his shirt. David Beckham isn’t playing, by the way. (Just to clarify: we’re not being entirely serious here – there are also many, many women who also think Spain are boring.)But I really don’t care, and I’m a bloke!More of a rugby man? What the dickens, old chap? Men are footie mad! Haven’t you seen Fever Pitch? Up the ‘Quins! Aren’t you getting the lads round for beer and pizza? Don’t worry, 45% of men pretend to support Chelsea and have never actually been to a real football match. Just wheel out key water cooler phrases like: ‘my dark horses are Spain’, ‘Hodgson’s got them well organised’ and ‘that Scott Parker is a bit tasty’. Actually, keep that one to yourself.Where are The Euros?The simple answer is Poland and Ukraine. However, the logistics are far from simple. If it wasn’t obvious, they’re hundreds of miles apart. No, it doesn’t make sense. The England team are based in Krakow, and play their games in Ukraine meaning a four-hour flight each way. Why didn’t they stay in Donetsk? Have you been there? Isn’t it obvious?Who is playing in The Euros?England. Oh yes, and Ireland. A few other countries are there to make up the numbers. RelatedFootball hater’s guide to the South Africa World CupFootball hater’s guide to the South Africa World CupTravel and life in North Korea: 9 secrets of the Hermit KingdomWe speak to Koryo tours to get the inside information about life and travel in North KoreaWorld Cup Football 2010 Draw: holidays in group C countries – who are the champions?When it comes to travel, who would win in a World Cup Holiday tournament?